I speak Simmons

I’ll preface this with I’m 5 Guinness’s deep…but as I’m walking home listening to the Klosterman pod an epiphany hit me like an 18-wheeler. As Klosterman was pushing Bill on his declaration about a pro football reference deep dive being the most fun 40 seconds of 2026 so far, I realized…I TALK LIKE THIS. I describe things with bizarrely specific numerical descriptors. Why say 90% when you can say 92%?? I then realized that I’ve been consuming Simmons since I was in high school, and that this odd way of speaking has in fact infected my subconscious.

Nothing else to add other than I bet there’s a lot of you beautiful bastards (and bastardis…what’s the female version?) in the same boat. And that struck me funny. That’s all I got. Love this sub.