My Mom is Emotionally cheating and I don't know how to process it.

I’m a teenager posting anonymously because I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this in real life right now. I really just need to vent and get outside perspective.

For context, my parents have had a very difficult marriage for most of my life. There have been years of arguments — not small disagreements, but constant, emotionally draining fights. A lot of these arguments were started by my dad, and because of that, my mom would vent to me from a young age, especially in the car or at home. She often told me to make sure I never end up with someone like him.

They’ve tried couples therapy before (more than once), but it was very inconsistent and didn’t really help. Over time, my mom emotionally checked out, and ironically that’s when my dad started acting like a “better” husband — still very bare minimum, but calmer and less explosive than before. It wasn’t a great marriage, but it was more stable than it used to be.

Their arguments almost led to divorce multiple times (at least three that I clearly remember). The main reasons they didn’t divorce were complicated — especially because my mom wanted us to grow up with our biological dad in our lives, and because there are younger siblings in the house, all under the age of 10. Even extended family dynamics are tense; my grandparents don’t really like my dad either.

Because of all this, I don’t have the best relationship with my dad. I’m very aware of his flaws. At the same time, I know something important about him: despite everything, he is loyal and honest. I genuinely don’t believe he would ever cheat or emotionally involve himself with another woman. That’s what makes this situation hurt more — because even with all his issues, I don’t think he deserves this.

A few months ago, I started noticing my mom acting “off.” I couldn’t explain it, but something felt different. When I asked her about it, she laughed it off and said it was nothing.

Recently, while using her phone for something unrelated, I accidentally saw things that really unsettled me. She had been using an AI app to help write flirty messages to a specific client and asking questions like what men notice, what makes them lose interest, etc. When I confronted her, she said it was a joke or that she was helping a friend — but parts of her explanation didn’t fully add up.

Later (and I know I probably shouldn’t have), I saw messages between her and her friends where they were actively discussing how to flirt with this client, how to phrase messages to sound like a date, and reminding each other to delete chat history so kids wouldn’t find it. My mom even mentioned that I had gotten scared by what I saw.

I don’t have proof of physical cheating, and I’m not accusing her of that. But it feels like emotional boundaries are being crossed, and what hurts the most is that she lied when I directly asked her about it. I didn’t want to find out this way.

What makes this even harder is that I understand why my mom might feel drawn to someone else after years of a bad marriage — but I also feel deeply uncomfortable carrying this information as a child, especially knowing there are younger siblings involved and another family on the other side.

I feel stuck between empathy and disappointment. I don’t know whether to confront her again or stay quiet. I don’t want to be responsible for blowing up my family, but keeping this inside is making my anxiety and sleep worse and I can't see either of my parents or their relationship the same way I did before.

I guess I’m asking:
– Does this sound like emotional cheating?
– Is it normal to feel this conflicted as a teen in this situation?
– What would you do if you were in my position?

Please be kind. I’m not trying to destroy anyone — I just needed somewhere safe to put this.