AITAH for not wanting a relationship with my sister?

hi Reddit. This is my first time posting on here so I’m sorry if I don’t use the right wording for everything. obviously gonna use fake names for the post.

for a little background, i’m the youngest sibling of four kids. i’m 21, and my oldest sister is 27. growing up, our oldest sister didn’t want anything to do with us. She moved out of our mom‘s house and lived with our grandparents so that she did not have to live with us. she only started wanting to have relationships with us when we turned 18. That’s when she would try to reach out and talk. that has never sat right with me, since me and my other siblings have had a relationship through our whole childhood. I don’t see how it’s right that she would just wanna come in now. although I put those thoughts behind me and tried to start a relationship with her. But since then, I’ve seen and heard a lot of things and do not want a relationship with her right now.

my oldest sister, let’s call her Jane, is married and has three kids. She lives in her husband‘s parents house and her husband is very irresponsible when it comes to money. My parents have spent a lot of money, trying to help support them. They have paid for daycare, clothes, events, vacations, gas, grocery money, and even a truck engine. my parents barely get a thank you for what they do, and feel like they have to help or else they’re not gonna get to see their grandkids. my dad gave her money, a.k.a. her stepdad, so that she could buy maternity pants, and then turned around and went out to eat at a restaurant. I just don’t respect that. i’m very protective of my dad and how people use him for his money.

I am married, and me and my husband live up in Colorado because he is stationed here. One Christmas, me and my husband were going to go down to Texas to my parents house to spend the holidays. I was texting the family group chat to see where everyone would be. before Jane said where she was gonna go, I said I would love to see her at Christmas since I haven’t seen her or my nephews in a while. She blew up on me in the group chat, saying we only expect her to be at our events, even though they have other people‘s events to go to, and that she came to Christmas last year. she also said how we’re very judgmental of her and how she lives. Now I was very confused and did not know where this was coming from, but it sent me off. I didn’t even know that she went to Christmas that year before. I will admit I was not the nicest either, as I flipped out on her and said that she allows herself and her kids to live in an awful house and her husband to do whatever he wants with their money and she needs to grow a backbone and stand up to her husband like she stands up to us. and also that my parents help fuel her life and how she’s so rude to them constantly. I then left the group chat. I can admit that I was an asshole there. There had just been a lot of little stuff leading up to that point. since that whole fiasco, I’ve barely talked to her and don’t feel a need to. I feel like she’s very disrespectful of our family, even though our side of the family is the one that helps take care of her children. it’s never wrong to ask for help and to accept it when it’s given, I’ve accepted help from my parents a few times and I always say thank you. my parents are genuinely surprised when they get a thank you from her or her husband. my parents paid for Jane and her family to go to Colorado on a vacation with them , and my parents told me they didn’t get a single thank you. They paid for gas, housing, all the food, and all the activities. not to mention my dad bought her husband a $900 truck engine and he has never paid my dad back.

my mom and grandma told me to forgive and forget, and to have a relationship with her because she’s my sister. I just don’t feel like I need to. If she didn’t want anything to do with me my whole childhood, how does that make her entitled to have a relationship with me now? The biggest thing for me is how I feel she consistently uses and abuses the power of grandchildren over my parents to make them feel entitled to help her. I have no respect for that. now, if she stood up to her husband, and finally put a back bone into their relationship to make not only her life, but her children’s lives better, I would have more respect for her. but she just allows for herself and her children to live the way they do.

so, aita for not wanting a relationship with my sister right now?