Facing uBPD Mo for the first time in a decade at a tribunal on Friday. Quite nervous.

old posts - essentially uBPD Mo is a shithead and is challenging my guardianship over my adult brother with a severe disability, after disappearing for 10 odd years. I’ve been guardian for 1 year and this is a review tribunal that would have happened anyway, but she’s made it more complicated. We had a hearing last week because she also applied to be joined as a legal party but it was on the phone and she was denied.

But anyway. I’ve been having absolutely horrible sleep (highly unusual for me - I usually sleep to avoid problems) and realised that this will be the first time I’ll be in a room with uBPD Mo in 10 years. During the last hearing (phone) I just shook the entire time, full body vibrations, and my chest is tight just thinking about making eye contact with her or being near her.

I’m sure the hearing outcome will be fine. The last one didn’t tolerate her nonsense and she’s brought no new documentation/evidence or whatever for the upcoming tribunal.

It’s just the “being in the same room” part that’s killing me.

Or the waiting room. What if

• I get there and she’s already there?
• I try to arrive right on time and I end up being late (parking is bad and the building has security gates to get through)?
• Or if I’m early and she approaches me while we wait?
• What if she goes for a hug?
• What if she tries to manipulate Brother into sitting with her?
• What if she kicks off during the proceeding and I cry? From what I’ve read I need to be as neutral as possible to demonstrate that I can handle this conflict for the sake of my brother (which I have done, by restricting her to email and crying in private).
• what if what if what if.

I’m planning to take notes during the hearing, just for something to look at that isn’t her. And notes are always good? Right? I can at least use them for therapy because I’ll stress-forget everything about an hour after.

I have support people coming (well, Brother does) that support my guardianship. His house manager is attending in person, one of his therapists is dialling in and another specialist is attending in person or via phone. Dad was going to come but honestly he can be quite volatile and I don’t want to have to manage his emotions and mine. So I’m glad he’s not.

Just. I dunno. I’m not worried about the outcome but I’m confident that the process will be difficult and unpleasant. Any tips? Well wishes? Thoughts and prayers?