Having this makes me so depressed

Just for context: i'm 32, I didn't get diagnosed until a few years back while they were looking for something else, and my symptoms started cropping up around 16 or so.

It’s unfathomable to me looking back at how I was as a kid and early teen and how I’d constantly be super active, running around, playing sports for fun etc. when now even the most minimal physical activity makes me so dizzy, makes my heart skyrocket, gives me an instant crippling headache, and gives me so much pressure inside my head that it makes me feel like I’m going to pass out. Life genuinely feels so pointless when you can’t do any of the things you love because your body no longer allows it. I feel like a shell of who I used to be and my symptoms have gotten significantly worse over the years.

I was supposed to see a neurosurgeon but, since i've had severe agoraphobia for the past 13 years and my state didn't expand Medicaid and I have no income, I am unable to go to the doctor to even start to unravel this mess of a condition. I feel so hopeless ):