Nobody would know

I’ve made my husband afraid/uncomfortable to have sex. I, F 28 and husband M 32 have had an uneventful sex life since the beginning. Almost 10 years. I’ve brought up many times each year, always get “I’ll do better” from him. We have sex once a month, maybe twice. I’ve had an orgasm once maybe twice in 10 years with him. He doesn’t do oral, and has a sexual aversion to vagina. He claims “it’s not just mine specifically, it’s all”. I’ve cried many times, we’ve fought about it so much it’s just stupid to even talk about anymore. He finishes in 10 seconds and always has. He claimed he has a porn addiction a few years ago. Who knows. I hate watching movies with intimacy, or hearing friends talk about their sex lives. He didn’t have any experience before me so he sometimes uses that as an excuse. I felt like 10 years was enough experience to find a clit but I’m wrong. I keep pushing forward with the mindset “I won’t want sex when I’m older so why care now when it won’t matter then”. Any advice on how to keep pushing on? He knows he’s in the wrong, but the past things that have come out of his mouth ring through my ears like “it’s more work than what it’s worth” when he finally tries to touch me. It’s not natural, it feels so forced and I can’t like it. I feel terrible.