I just hate myself and I hate my very own existence

I’m a 20 year old male and I have a loving family and friends and all the time I get that I’m good looking and you can say everything is going well for me life wise. But I can’t get rid of the unexplained self hatred for myself. I don’t know why I feel like this I just don’t want to be alive anymore and the only thing that’s keeping me alive is the idea of how will my family react if I just ended it all. I fucked up in a few decisions in my life and I don’t know if that’s the reason for all of these feelings I have been going through, but I don’t know what to do at this point. Should I just keep going through this pain every night when I’m alone in my room?. I don’t like the idea of talking about this with the closest people because I already know what are they going to say. I’m truly lost.