I was groomed from the age of 14-17

This will be a long one, so please bare with me.

TW; Grooming of a minor, pedophilia, mental and eating disorders ​

TLDR; I was groomed from the age of 14-17 by a 19-21/22 year old man. I am okay and safe now, but it still haunts me a little. Im learning to cope with everything.

I will call this man E.

When I was 14, I found and joined a group for a YouTube project I was intending to take part in. The details of this do not matter, and id prefer not to share them as it has nothing to do with it but background information. I met E around this time, at first our distance was kept and we were simply friends. We began to get closer and speak to eachother more often, we would speak almost all day everyday and sleep on call with eachother often through discord. He would attempt to chase away all of my other male friends and become agitated when I would hangout with a different group of people who did not know him (these people were my age). When I attempted to spend more time with these other friends, E blew up on me and threatened to "leave me" and no longer be my friend. I was devastated, we'd been close for so long and to throw it away over something like that killed me. We didnt speak for a few days, before he added me back and profusely apologized. This is when I was isolated, he would continue to become angry and agitated when I wouldnt hangout with other people. I just wanted it to stop. I broke away from all of my other friends and the project we met on, even my in person friends were cut off. He would have girlfriends in between this time period, but would still hold me close as they broke up and he moved on to the next girl. I was just trying to navigate highschool. At this time, I was sickly, thin, and not eating. Everytime he would lose his mind on me or become agitated I would starve and shut down, spiraling into another episode of something I didnt understand.

Eventually he told me I either had to date him or we couldnt be friends anymore. I was 16, he was 20/21 "falling in love" with me. I agreed and we began our weird "relationship", where I would spend every night and day dependent on what he thought about me and how his mood was that day. He began to become upset about our "long distance" (we lived states from each other), and told me the only thing to make it better would be if I would send him lewd photos of myself. I had never taken or thought of taking lewd photos of myself before this moment and I initially refused. He insisted and would constantly sent me lewd photos of his genitalia, trying to coerce me. The only thing he ever recieved was photos in bras, as I was far too uncomfortable to go any farther. At this, he would again become agitated and angry. This was one of the reasons we couldnt be "together" and our relationship did not feel real. He would also constantly begin to touch himself within calls with me without explicitly letting me know.

After around 2-3 months, he began to break up with me and immediately get back together with me. All while beginning constant fights about how I was suffocating him and he wanted to wait until I was older, which i argued he had already been going after me and engaging in a relationship. After a while (a week after my 17th birthday) I broke it off for good, running back to my friends. He would still text me, I would respond. How was I supposed to let him go so easily? Eventually, I made a new group of friends, one in which a boy interested me, and I ended up cutting him off. He reached out to me through Facebook to tell me I was a slut and whore and I bounced around guys. I cut him off for good and went about my life. I tried to forget about him but it wouldn't work. Im finding a lot of support in my current boyfriend, but I hate burdening him with my troubles of something that happened a year ago. I know hed listen and support me 100% but I feel bad.

Recently, after I turned 18, E readded me and sent me a message about how sorry he was and how terrible he had been, and attempted to inform me of how he was. I shut him down and blocked him. I do not want anything to do with him, but I know now hes clearly still interested in attempting to wiggle his way back into my life and it sickens me.

Thank you for reading. Im not sure why im posting this i feel like I just need to be around others who have felt something similar.