I don’t feel good mentally

its a long message but please help

(18m) I feel overwhelmed but events happen for example when I was (16) I sent pictures of my self to a man online, something I deeply regret. My extended family found out about it and told others that knew me or would meet. They all turned against me they all told me I was a retard. Now my brain takes that and says your parents don’t know but when they do, they will disown you. So I cut myself or use to I don’t as much anymore. But I think my dad knows so I think I’m okay. My uncle said “sorry” for calling my dad a pussie and a bunch of demening things about him so I was like by the way I hate the way you treated my dad. He said that he had said that he was sorry. But I insisted that it wasn’t enough and that when anyone makes fun of my dad I keep a mental note. And then I gave him a death threat and now he says he sleeps with a gun to which I said to his wife “he’s cheating on you with a gun”. Then also there is a possibility that they have a recording of me confessing that I sent those pictures. And those death threats if they ever told anyone which they already did no ones dead. I really wish I didn’t say all that. A woman sexually harassed me and that went on for a little while but the main things she said think of me when you’re gooning there another thing but it’s not important that whole situation is what kicked off another thing where I threatened to sue her which I probably couldn’t due to A lack of evidence but then she told someone related to me about the situation and cried and said that I called her fat which I did, after so many weeks of being mistreated by a60+  year old women. Then they told me that I was the problem because she had  attempted suicide which I knew wasn’t true she said that making fun of my intelligence and sexual harassment was a game “I’m having fun this is just a game” she worked in heath care oh and she said she had a friend that knew which craft put a hex on me, and she said that the week after pulling out some of my hair. She probably was mad at the one time I had a manic episode and called her fat a lot so ya. 

Anyway she told some nurses at the hospital that. They said that if I ever got admitted to the hospital they would pull the plug on me. They told me that it was only a threat if I got badly hurt so I better not. The police got involved but because of other death threats I gave someone in my family, my cousin sat on me because my another one of my cousin had found my search history when I was 16 (it was mostly bad but basically mommy’s, best way to put it) and I called them a bunch of names that are very valid. Like slut and hoe she told me that it didn’t matter because if I watched that stuff that I didn’t care and she could do that. Then I mentioned all the stories my mom told me about her when she was a high schooler (“she was wild at Walmart”) and another thing but that is forbidden blackmail that must not be used. Then she said that if I told anyone the forbidden blackmail that she would get together with my future girlfriend and together accuse me of rape then I told her. That If she did that I would kill her. Then she said that it’s only valid if I told anyone, and that I was overrating which was true I agree I was overrating. Then I said that my threat was only valid if you fallow though with her threat. 

But I helped a man in the park who was very depressed and was a drug addict not want to kill himself. And offered him something to drink at the corner store he said his favorite drug was pot or the pills that were prescribed to his mother. But told me not to do them because they would make my life worse he had 8 dogs and had to take care of his parents by himself, and said that because of his responsibilities he couldn’t pursue a career or a girlfriend because all the girls he talked to called him stinky or dirty something like that. I know that this sorta breaks patient confidentiality, but I just wanted to throw something else in here other then bad things I done. I hope things get better right now what I need are some YouTube videos that will help me with my situation, I have anxiety and have manic episodes. I’m losing interest in art but every once in awhile I get a canvas out should I sleep more. I ran 6.6 miles today in 40 minutes and 38 second.