First break up

My boyfriend broke up with me. He was my first boyfriend and I really love him. I made mistakes (not cheating or anything like that, I love him with all my heart) and I understand why he left. We're not no contact yet honestly just because he probably sees how attached I am to him and he's being kind, but he's so mean to me now. It hurts so much im comparison to the memories I have of him being so loving and caring. He has his life all sorted and he prefers being without me whereas I don't feel like I can live without him. :(

I think there's definitely an age element, I was 16 when we started dating whereas he'd already had a few relationships and 26. I feel so lost and like I can't survive on my own without him. I'm still so dependent on him and I love him so much, I don't understand how he can turn his feelings off so suddenly. I just want to time skip this period of my life. I cry every night hoping he'll text me saying he wants me back but he's said so many times that he's certain he's done with me. I don't know how much longer I can deal with feeling like this. It's a weird metaphor and nobody take it the wrong way but I feel like an abandoned child :(