Desire Never Goes Away

Been married 25 years. I’m 63, wife is 59. Gray hair, bodies changing, weight gain. We haven’t had sex in 8 years. She’s asexual; doesn’t think about sex. A little over 9 years ago we sat with a therapist and worked out an ethically non monogamous relationship. I’ve had a series of partners but have been with the same woman for over three years.

That said, I’ve never felt completely satisfied with this arrangement. I still desire intimacy with my wife. When we kiss, when we’re naked together just doing our thing in the morning or at night, I still want her. She knows this. Her hormones are shot now and there’s no way after eight years that PIV sex is possible. She dislikes oral as well (asexuality is kind of fucked up IIBH).

I told her weeks ago that I still want body to body contact, making out, and rubbing. She’s ok with this so long as I don’t try to penetrate her genitals. She’d give me a HJ if I asked, and as good as I am at getting myself off, nothing feels better than her hands on me. We both got too tired last night but tonight we’ll do this.

Sometimes we just need to shift our perspective a little and adjust what might work.

I’ll update when I can.