Recovering drug addict, 25k debt almost lost everything

I’m surrounded by great people. Friends and family that love me and don’t want to see me throw my life away. Started just when Covid hit I was going through a breakup, then got introduced to Meth by a very close family friend. Only drug I have ever touched at the time was marijuana once in a blue moon. But I was devastated, I dated a girl (family friend who I grew up with and our parents were very close) for about 7 years. Her parents were very traditional (SEA parents) and never really liked her dating anyone until she finished University. Fast forward the tape after dating for ~7 years, I wake up to a text that she is being forced to move to a different country in 2 weeks. I couldn’t process it at the time and my mind was going through so many emotions. I gave her more than a few options and even said she could stay at our place and I can support her in whatever way she needs and whatever way I could. She had already made up her mind and told me she couldn’t just leave her parents. 2 weeks later I’m saying my final words to her at the airport and that was that… I didn’t know what to do. I was 22 at the time and felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I went through a phase of depression and just outright hated everyone. Started drinking heavily until one day a very close friend of mine who knew what I was going through decided to introduce me to Meth…. There we are, in the bathroom, pipe in hand loaded with the product. I take my first hit and…. Was severely disappointed. Took a couple of more hits and… nothing. I went home that night not feeling anything different and even slept normally. I should’ve stopped there, but I didn’t. I was always normally a curious person so I called my friend and told him my experience and he said that I just needed to try it again. I wanted to feel the high. He invited me to party the following weekend and I don’t know if it was a different batch but whatever it was I sure felt it this time. The tingling sensation in my brain. The rush, that high. Which lasted for 2 days and during those 2 days I was just completely horny. All I did was lock myself up in my room and watch porn until the next morning. Several tabs open trying to find the perfect video and when I did, I couldn’t even get it up, lol. That was the start of my addiction which lasted for 6 years. For the first few years I was doing it every single day while maintaining a day job, 40 hours a week. Until one day I came to work so high and did way too much that I was sweating profusely on the spot for no reason, pupils so dilated. I had to leave my job and quit right on the spot, called one of my other close friends to come grab me. It was one hell of a journey, and I almost lost my life. Every day I had wished for the nightmare to end, the self hate, shame, and regret. Because I grew up with two loving parents, a decent house with a nice backyard, any normal person wouldn’t complain or would trade places with me in a heartbeat. I took everything for granted, I was a selfish, spoiled brat and I made my parents suffer terribly. They came to the west with maybe less than $100 in their pocket and built a life through hard work, both of them at one point working two jobs. I did so much damage to myself and to my family that I did think about committing suicide every day at one point. But in the end I always thought about my parents, catholic folks who go to church every Sunday and live their day to day lives being kind to people and doing right by people. My mom would come up to me and cry, her wrinkled skin and ask me, why son? Why? What did we do wrong son? Please tell me? Fuck. That shit, fucking cut deep. And my dad, my poor fucking dad who at one point I sent to the hospital accidentally (we got into an argument and I shoved him, causing him to trip over his slippers, fall backwards into a glass window with blood gushing out of his head. All that plus many other incidents that happened, really destroyed my soul until one day I said enough was enough…. I don’t know how long my parents had to live but I’m just thankful for everyone in my life. The people that offered me their shoulder to cry on, helped me through my battles deep inside, the people that helped me get not just any job, but a stable career… My fiancé, who was there for me through my ups and downs, my paranoia and angry moments of withdrawal…. Fuck. I was a dick to everyone. They only wanted to help me and see my succeed yet I acted like such a fucking dick. I needed to get this off my chest because I don’t know who I can talk to listen to all of this… I’ve had a bottle of wine and I’ve been reflecting on my life these past 6 years… although I wasted so much time and money…. $25,000 debt…. I know I learned so much through my downfalls. If you came this far and you’re struggling with addiction, I want you to know that it is never too fucking late and don’t ever be ashamed to ask for help. You got this, don’t give up.

Thank you.