For P - I let you go today

It happened overnight. I’d been weighing up messaging you after 6 months of silence between us, your birthday is coming up and I considered sending you a message so you know that I don’t hate you. I hate the idea of you sitting in shame or guilt.

But it occurred to me - I’d already done this. I wrote you a letter after you ended things, wishing you well and I got no response. I still have so many unanswered questions and confusion about what happened for you to leave so suddenly - you changed overnight.

I kept worrying you may have interpreted my boundary of not being friends again as a rejection, despite the reassurance I tried to give you. But the hard truth is - I have done enough, I can’t meet you the whole way.

I still care about you, and I want you to grow from this experience, I want you to be happy, to see how great you are (even if I’m not the one you’re with). But you never even said goodbye..

..and so I need to let go. It took me 6 months, but I am ready now. I’m content with how I left things between us - but I’m forced to close this loop for myself because you’ve avoided helping me. I think you’ve avoided yourself.

Goodbye P - you mattered to me, even if we’re not in each other’s lives anymore.

J