I don't know how much I should communicate to the person I like about how I feel about something they're "hiding" from me.

Context!!! I'm in highschool, and there's this person I like. We've been through quite a bit and have said quite a bit during this time, things have been said and done that are decently gossip-worthy. But Recently, they told me that they actually have a secret tiktok rant account, and I was immediately interested.

They even hinted at me being on the rant account, and so I was incredibly curious to know what they ranted about, regardless of whether it was good or bad, because I know that sometimes people need an anonymous outlet, and they aren't the type to lie about or twist a story, so if it was something I did wrong or bothered them about, it's fine. But more than that, I just wanted to know what they thought of me, what they like, just stuff to get to know them better.

I was on call with them recently, begging to know their accounts user so I could see their videos, but they just said something around the lines of "I can't, especially after the rant I just posted", and then I got much more persistent.

But I was starting to get a little hurt. Now I'll admit that it's almost entirely irrational and my own issues why I'm feeling what I'm feeling, but this is also why I'm making this post in the first place.

I was starting to get hurt not because I was scared of what they posted, but the fact they were hiding it. Did they not trust me like them afterwards over silly rants because they vented about something? Do they not want me seeing because they think I might think their rants silly, or dislike them? I wouldn't think something like them posting hateful things about me, because I've decided to give them my absolute trust until proven otherwise, but it still really started to bug me.

I eventually started crying, now desperately wanting to know what they posted to soothe my nerves, but I also don't think they ever plan on giving it to me. I already know I'm a hypersensitive individual, so I know that the frivilous tears I shed are none of their fault, but I know that they'd probably give it to me out of pity, but I don't want that, not if they're not comfortable, but I also don't want to hide how important this is to me, because if I trust the person I like when it comes to telling me things, it should be obvious to give them the exact same kindness and be transparant with your emotions.

I know that I don't deserve their full trust, and maybe that's why they don't show me the account. I know they have genuine interest for me though, and I don't want to play off what is troubling me so much, but I also wonder if it's even moral to tell them everything, because there have been many much more silly things that have had me sobbing into a pillow that they have done, (again, not their fault) but I don't want them to feel responsible for my emotions, because they aren't.

I just wanna know if I should tell them how I feel, or continue keeping some things to myself. Thank you for responding, reddit.