I’m an absolute weirdo who doesn’t belong and I just want to cry

It’s true - I’m a fucking weirdo, it seems. I honestly view myself as somewhat level headed, I view my “normal” as normal, but then I post stuff on here and I just get reminded I do not belong in this society. Nothing about the way people operates makes sense to me and I guess I also don’t make sense to people.

I posted something on another one of my accounts today expressing hurt over something someone did, which I personally viewed as something very fair to feel hurt by. And while a few people agreed and understood, I’m also getting insulted, called a pick me, told I am weird for not understanding, told I’m naive, lack normal boundaries, etc etc. Bear in mind, I did \*nothing\* toxic or objectively bad in this situation, I simply “didnt understand well enough” and that was license for being insulted.

I am in my mid 30s and I have felt this way my whole life. I feel so deeply not understood in this life. I am a true outsider. On the surface people don’t necessarily see it, I’m a conventionally attractive, confident woman so people assume I “belong”. But deep down, I feel like I’m speaking Japanese in France 90% of the time. I feel so, so alone.

And society upsets me. We are so eager to insult one another rather than help one another. I see people insulted for “being naive” on Reddit all the time - like, so?! Why is that insult worthy? Not everyone was raised the same, maybe they went through life-altering trauma or were brought up in a sheltered, abusive home. Maybe if you knew the root of their naïveté you wouldn’t be so quick to judge. How do people insulting these people know that they don’t have a legit brain injury, or mental disability, or aren’t deeply neurodivergent? It makes me sick honestly. We insult people for being “dumb” even when they’re coming to us earnestly asking for help in understanding something. And when they’re shocked to find out they were the minority in a certain viewpoint/understanding of the world we mock them and say stuff like “you really didn’t know that? How old are you again?”

It’s ugly. And I’m not cut out for it. And I am deeply fucking weird and everyone seems to love reminding me about it. I harm absolutely no one with my views, I am compassionate and caring, I’m just DIFFERENT.

I hate it here. I truly, deeply don’t belong. I really think there’s something deeply wrong with me because I just don’t fit into this world despite my best intentions.

Honestly I am starting to worry that I’m autistic or something because nothing makes sense anymore.