Not sure if I should tell her my feelings or not?

Hello everyone.

First time here! I'm 55M, married 16yrs and like the reason why we're here is barely to no sex :( It used to be a couple times a year like both our b-days, anniversay, and when my mother would watch our son overnight at her place. So I'd say 4-5times/year at most.

However, last about 3yrs, I've actually "tracked" our moments in my Excel doc that I keep track of our bills lol. And I only do them, so she never sees. I've counted 6 times of intercourse in last 3 years and two other encounters of just a quick bj. That's it. And 2/3 last 3 years our son was away at overnight camp for 5 days and nothing. The last year after day I basically said are we having sex or what since we're alone? She grudgingly had sex (one of the 6 in last 3yrs btw!).

I know most folks/therapists/friends say "tell her how you feel/talk it out", etc. but I'm torn. I feel if I do, and MAYBE she responds and actually does understand, I just think that sex will just be something she "does" to satisfy me but not really "into" it or doing it because she loves me/really wants to herself? Me personally, sex is a 50/50 thing that yes, I do want/get enjoyment from a woman, but the other 50% is seeing her excited/pleasured/liking it, etc. I just don't want her to "do it" for me and that's it. I'd rather just not have sex with her then if that's the case. I seriously doubt having a talk she's going to just "snap out of it" and after 16yrs now initiate and become some ravenous sex goddess lol!

But on other hand if I continue to say nothing, what am I to do? I've looked at local escorts online but I don't want to cheat, but I contemplate it a lot. Right now the last time we had intercourse was Jan 2025 and 2-3 bj's early Aug 2025. So it's going on 6month of no/any kind of intimacy/sexual relations and I bet if I don't say anything she won't ever initiate and I'm still stuck being a married 55yrM jerking off every couple weeks just to feel something and get a release :( :( So embarrasing and ashamed.....

Just looking to see what others here think and maybe folks that have went down either road and good things became of it?? :)

Thank you!