Sometimes moving forward is near impossible... But I want to so bad.

I really wish there was a way to completely take away memories. Each day I spend wondering whether I will be enough forever. Through our divorces you continued to sleep with your ex. I found out and forgave on three separate occasions. Telling you to just focus on yourself. I resisted and supported you from a distance. You claimed over and over again that it was all over and kept begging for me not to leave. I stayed. I forgave. Then it happened again. I stayed. I forgave. Pieces of me destroyed in the process. Pieces I am unsure if I will ever be able to restore. Time has passed and we have built a new life together. Things seem so good. I cannot help but wonder if one day that will end again. I can't help but think that I am a pathetic mess. There are days I feel like a shell of a person that only exist to serve others. Most days honestly. I truly want to just be able to take all the corrupted memories away. I want to forget so we can move forward. So I can move forward. I will forever by yours. I do not know a soul I could tell all of my story to, and they would not tell me I should walk away. My love for you is more than what my peace is worth. I will keep trying to forgive and move forward. Just know you broke a part of us I am unsure can ever be repaired.