being trans is ruining my life

i want to change my internal gender and sexuality but i cant. its so frustrating that my only option is to fully transition and cope with this. i wanted to stay a bisexual femme nonbinary person. i never wanted that to change. i feel like im living in a nightmare i cannot escape. im so isolated and lonely all i do is daydream about what my life would be like if things were different but theyre not and they never will

be. the world seems so much darker and bleaker now. im so disgusted by myself. i even get jealous when i see detransitioners because they get to live out their lives as women authentically and ill never be able to do that. im so bitter and miserable and uncomfortable

all the time and the only thing i can do to make things better is go on hormones and accept what i cant change. the life that i want doesnt belong to me at all.