My (societal) hurdles in transitioning...need input from POC trans

I am 34 year old man of Indian Origin grew up in Canada (details matter, shortly). I've had dysphoria throughout my life. Sometimes intense, sometimes dormat.

Me and my brother are the main bread earners of our household. Things have finally caught up financially, that my mind is even allowing me to have these conversations about self identity etc.

We have three generation of women (my mom, SIL, and niece) and we (My elder brother and I) are seem as to take on traditional masculine roles (providers, protectors).

Even though Canada is a safe country (offline), there recent online hate about Indians and some attacks in Ireland and Australia have Indians accross the dispora on kind of an edge. Long story short, men are called to work out, be strong and take on active role as protectors of family unit.

I've been exploring dressing up actively (makeup, wigs, etc,) in privacy of my bedroom since 2017. I've used breast pumps, herbs, massages, weight gain cycles etc to get a decent A (Bish) cup. For past three years, I incorporated DIY hormones once a month which does wonder for me.

I dysphoria is waking up again and I want to order two months worth of estrogen this year to kind of push the envolope a little more.

However, for reasons citing above I am very torn about where I stand. I might just do one month again for the sake of my sanity.

But I really wish, estrogen didn't make you lose muscle mass too much. Any way to go around it?