Need to stay on this sober train. 3 days in.

Got really messed up Saturday night, around 0.3 and that’s pretty high for me. I was laying in the dirt and trying not to vomit on myself, and i decided I’m not gonna live this way. I’ve tried this before (quitting), and eventually I get talked into having a beer with the guys, then 1 becomes 2, 2 to 3 to 5 to 8 to 12 and around that point and beyond that I become a real son of a bitch and an asshole to everyone around me. I’ve lost friends because of this, and honestly I don’t blame them. I’ve done horrible things while totally out of it. Just about a week ago I was really depressed and drunk, just laying in the recliner with a shotgun on myself. Was sobbing just wanting it all to go away. Thankfully had someone on the phone to talk me into putting the weapon away. I guess I want an accountability partner. To like check in on each other and everything.