anxiety due to lack of reassurance. how do I calm myself?

Im in a relationship with the sweetest girl (long distance) , and honestly, she’s one of the main reasons I love my life right now and keep going. I care about her deeply

But lately, there’s something that’s been sitting in my head, and I don’t really know how to deal with it… I don’t consider myself insecure, but for the past few weeks, this feeling has been eating me up.

I reassure her every time she needs it. I’m always optimistic, supportive, and calm on the outside. But..I’ve never really received reassurance from her.

She’s about half a year older than me, and to make our shared goal of building a life together possible (if everything continues to go well), we’d both have to put in years of effort and patience, sticking to a plan we’ve talked through seriously. Because she’s from an orthodox family in the Malabar area, where there’s still strong cultural pressure to arrange marriages at a young age (even though it’s less common than it used to be). and she already gets marriage proposals regularly.

For us to have a future, we’d likely need to wait another 4–5 years until I’m settled enough to approach her parents.. That waiting period especially with her family pressure won’t be easy.

I’ve accepted all this. I’ve made plans, stayed positive, reassured her constantly, and acted nonchalant about it. But there’s still a scared, insecure part of me that overthinks late at night:

What if she gets better proposals? What if someone older (like she used rant about how her partner want to be before we started dating and were friends) , more successful, more charming comes along? What if she eventually gets tired of me? What if she gets tired of waiting? (she used to say she dont want to get married very lately)

Most of the time, I manage to stay optimistic but these thoughts never fully leave.

She also has a disorganized attachment style. She’s not someone who shows affection openly. Even hearing “I love you too”back from her is very rare, and only when she truly means it. I’ve always known this, and I’ve been okay with it. Because She’s shown through actions that she’s working on herself, even if its slowly.

Because of that, I never really needed reassurance before. When she’d distance herself sometimes, I’d just tell myself, “That’s how she is"

But things changed when i saw a reel she liked that said something like, “How to explain you’ve lost interest, but not feelings.” Even though I’m usually rational, that stuck in my head. After a couple of weeks, I finally asked her about it. She just said it meant nothing, that she didn’t even know why she liked it. I let it go... but ever since then, when she distances herself, I get anxious.

Whenever conversations come indirect close to reassurance, her replies are usually sarcastic.(and ik she doesn’t mean any harm. and is sarcastic by nature, and honestly, so am i?) still my anxiety spikes every time.

If the waiting and pressure become too much for her, I’d be the one who stands to lose everything. and be the one most affected by it

The hardest part is.. I don’t want to ask her for reassurance, even though I crave it badly.

I don’t want to sound insecure, clingy, or desperate. I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel frustrated. And if I did ask, it wouldn’t feel genuine...it would feel like something I pulled out of her?

But God… she has no idea how much it would make my entire month if she gave me just one piece of reassurance, from her heart, without being asked.

i rarely let people get this close, and she’s not just my sweetest girfiend but also my 'only' best friend. idk man that’s probably why this feels so heavy for me.

Is there anyway to calm myself in these momentss??