Anyone else see covert narcissist traits in their DA?

I’ve been reflecting on the brutal discard I experienced after 6 years after a new (planned) baby and something that keeps standing out to me is how often covert narcissistic traits seem to show up alongside DA behavior.

Not in an obvious, grandiose way, but in quieter patterns. Things like emotional withdrawal paired with a strong need to protect his self-image, refusal to take accountability, blame-shifting, and framing himself as the misunderstood one. There was often a lack of real emotional vulnerability , even when the relationship was at its best.

In my breakup, it felt like vulnerability was avoided at all costs. Any attempt I tried to make him understand my feelings the impact this will have was met with shutdown, defensiveness, and dismissal. There was also a strong undercurrent of control through withdrawal, silence, or emotional withholding rather than direct communication.

At the time I chalked it all up to avoidance. Now I’m wondering how much of that behavior also overlaps with covert narcissism, ESPECIALLY the victim mindset, lack of empathy during conflict, and the inability to sit with someone my emotional reality.

He told me “You’re making this hard. But I get it, I hurt you deeply.” You’re making this hard? Like what? You think??

I’m curious if others here have noticed this overlap in their own avoidant breakups. Did it feel more like emotional unavailability, or more like self-protection at the expense of empathy? Or some mix of both?