AIO for telling my ex husband, my 13 year old does not need to shower twice a week?

I really hope I am just overreacting. This is my first real attempt to make a post so I hope it all makes sense.

I am (34f) and my ex is (36m) I have been divorced for over 8 years. My daughter is 13 has ADHD and some Autistic tendencies. She acts two years younger than her age. I just learned about Audhd and she fits the bill pretty well. She does have sensory problems and social problems. I worry she acts out or makes a scenario sound worse than it is. She really wanted to go live with her Dad and be with him more. I agreed. I never want to be that parent that uses the kids to get back at the ex so I try to be a flexible as possible.

She is now on (every other) week three and she called crying. Bringing up mostly that her iPad is taken away and how her Dad was acting rude to her. I asked why her iPad was take away and she said it was because she had NOT taken a shower. (She took a shower two days before.) I get that if they asked her to get ready and she just ignored them. I would be taking the iPad also. It’s not really about the iPad. (Or it is because she is making it sound like this situation is worse. Just to get her way.) Anyways, she made it sound like he was forcing her to take a shower according to HIS time frame. She was told to shower in the morning but she didn’t want to have wet hair in the cold. So after school she had plans to shower.

When she got home her dad was home earlier than usual and (from her POV) yelled at her to go shower. The way she described it just made me instantly feel uncomfortable. She usually takes once a week full showers at my house. (Full showers as in body and hair) during the week I recommend just body. I am not familiar with the inside of his house fully so I just randomly started asking about her bathroom situation. Maybe that’s the underlying problem. I am thinking she is uncomfortable with the shower or the way the bathroom is set up. She told me that she showers in her Dads bathroom and the there is a clear shower door and the bathtub is bigger so it can hold their body washes etc.

My ex has a history of being a sex addict and I will never fully trust him. The amount of money and time spent on all things sex is sick! Dang, I am totally starting to panic at the thought of him putting a camera in the bathroom or something messed up like that.

I told him she knows how to tell if she is smelly or not. She does struggle to get into the shower but it’s not a fight at my house. It use to be an issue she hated the feeling of the water and of the soap was itchy stuff like that. He has all her stuff that she has here so that’s no longer the problem. I don’t force my kids to shower anymore. They just do it when they want to.

He doesn’t understand stand the sensory overload. But insists she shower twice a week when she at this house.

What are your thoughts? I tried to give as much details as I could in hopes I get talked down and see that I am just paranoid.