How to deal with a MIL that’s constantly feigning helplessness

I (31f) love my MIL. I should love her more and I feel guilty because she is an incredible woman. She’s caring and sweet, and I should be lucky to have such a thoughtful and kind MIL……. But she gets on my last nerve constantly.

For context, I have an estranged relationship with my mother. So that plays into my guilt.

To start, she’s super needy, she’s texts my husband 24/7 about everything and anything she can think of. She used to do the same to me but I’ve just started ignoring her and texting back once a week and I explained to her I don’t like talking for no reason. I have a lot going on most of the time and unless there’s a reason to be talking I have no desire to text someone 24/7 about the weather and work. When we see them she’s constantly giving me these big doe eyes looking for me to say something, so I end up talking the whole time, which I hate because again, it’s all frivolous. She also pouts and talks in a baby voice a lot in person??? It’s so weird. I talk in a higher pitch when I speak to my husband and I think she’s trying to mirror me? Idk but it gives me the ick. Recently she had a nuclear meltdown because she acts stupefied by the easiest to learn technology, she called my husband basically on the verge of tears saying we had to come over because she didn’t know how to log into Netflix and she needed it for her sisters visit. On more than one occasion she’s called us over at 4am because the dog got out…. It’s like she and my FIL are incapable of doing anything by themselves. They’re in their late 50’s and they seem shocked and in awe anytime me and my husband say we went out to eat or had drinks with friends. It’s like they were born yesterday.

Again, she’s the sweetest woman. But good god sometimes I want to shake her and tell her to act like an adult! Learn how to log into an account by yourself, give us space, go out with a friend, SOMETHING!!!!!

Another pet peeve is if I’m tired and don’t have the mental capacity to talk endlessly about nothing when we see her, then she asks “how’s your mom” and I’ve talked to her before about how I don’t have contact with my mom so that she’d stop asking but recently we saw her and as soon as I’m not filling the air with noise “how’s your mom” and I tell her “idk I haven’t talked to her” …. “How’s your brother” // “idk I haven’t talked to him” like we just bought a house I’ve been so incredibly busy I’m not going down the list of every single family member I have, I haven’t spoken to anyone!!!

I can’t tell if I’m just being ungrateful or bitchy but I really loathe having to sit in a room with her, lately I’ve opted to meeting them out for food when we see them so it’s less awkward. She used to be military, she traveled the world…. I feel like she is acting dumb, clueless and baby like to fit in or get attention???

Idk any advice on how to get past this? I want to love her more and be happy to see her but I’m just so disgusted by how dumb she acts I can’t tolerate it much anymore. Also, my husband has verbalized the same sentiments so I know we’re on the same page but I’d never tell him these words out loud!!!