Feeling really embarrassed

Im 28 and over the last few years I've become more open to exploring different kinks and stuff. I've found so many things that I love like eating ass and sucking on toes and footjobs. But I got to where I really wanted to try something with piss it was all I could think about. One day my ex wife while we were still married pissed herself while pregnant I found her piss filled short on the floor of the bathroom. I couldn't help myself it was still warm and the smell drove me crazy I started sucking the piss out of the cotton shorts and it tasted so good. I would have given anything for her to just piss in my mouth. It feels so disgusting and shameful. But it is also so hot and exciting. Is it weird? Anytime we talked about it she was never open to trying it with me. I dont know if she was just shy about it or disgusted. I cant get the taste out of my mind and want to go further and just taste it straight from the source.