My T isn't the same anymore

So last week was our first week back from the holidays; things weren't too bad... but at some point I could feel they weren't really present and I could've sworn I heard then typing on their computer towards the end of the session so I shut down. Then they told me they'd be absent this week at our usual appointment time which just further exacerbated me feeling like they were pulling away. When I said "so what are we doing?" they said we could just cancel or look at another date (but they seemed reluctant). I left the session hurt and confused... it felt like they just either didn't want to be back to work after the holidays or didn't want to work with me anymore... like it's been a year and I'm now just a waste of their time. I ended up writing them an email stating that I had heard them typing and that if I too difficult of a case they could just drop me. They told me this wasn't the case.

Today's appointment (not our regular scheduled one) started off odd. I was nervous because I had been vulnerable by telling them I felt they weren't being attentive. Usually when they see I'm this nervous they are really good at helping me regulate, they're warm and empathetic... today they were just flat. It almost felt like I was a mcdonald's drive thru with a monotone "medium fry with that... ok, that'll be 5.58$." Their tone of voice just sent me spiraling, it's like it confirmed my worst fears... they do find me annoying. They used to talk to me about other clients in that tone... I guess it's my turn now. I never was special. Even though they eventually "unfroze" now it just feels fake. It feels unsafe. Like they can just pull away if I put a foot out of line. Funny we were discussing this when it comes to other relationships I have. I wonder if they realize it applies to this one now too.

I've been sleeping and crying all day... and it feels like I've lost the one place that was starting to feel safe.