She was out to me, our mutual friends and a couple others. If her family wasn’t so unbelievably bad and would’ve accepted her transition she would’ve passed super fucking quick, I didn’t clock her till had told me, no voice training and she still sounded like a woman at 23 since she had some endocrine issue so she didn’t go through a full male puberty. She had to come to terms with the fact that if she came out her dad would’ve hurt her and kicked her out. I remember offering to get a script for hormonal birth control and spiro and giving it to her so she could DIY but if that was found she’d be cooked. Her family was cooler with her getting scripts for heavy doses of Xanax than with getting her any sort of support. They didn’t put the right death date on the funeral programs. 

They threw her funeral together within a couple days, just went to the closest church and had them use the most generic template they had. I’ve never been to such a short funeral. Didn’t even give anyone the option to speak, I had something sorta prepared and I couldn’t even get up there to talk. When I spoke to our friend who went with me I had to deadname and misgender her in case others heard. She was dressed as a boy, in the clothing she hated. They didn’t even play any music she liked. She had a Phoebe Bridgers tattoo, her only tattoo, smack dab in the middle of her arm. Only a couple people were crying other than me. Her parents were funeral directors too so it isn’t like they didn’t know how to plan a fucking funeral. Our friends and I saw her as a woman, even in person. It just made sense. 

I do not know if we’ll ever have actual acceptance within our personal lives. People often don’t have real issues with trans people until they’re in their home, their bloodline or what the fuck ever. She might’ve not pulled a 41% but I didn’t see the results of the autopsy but I don’t know what’s worse that or just kicking it randomly. 

Had to deadname my closeted MTF friend at her funeral