Lost my virginity

I lost my virginity last week. It was the worst. It was not enjoyable, the guy did not give a damn about how much pain I was in. I’ve been so down about it. I betrayed God and myself. I’ve betrayed whom ever my husband may be. I am so sorry. I can’t stop crying. I am disgusted with myself. Repulsed. I hate myself for it. I needed to confess. How can God forgive me when he tried to stop me and I didn’t listen. I’ve waited 28 years to throw it all away for nothing. I really hate myself for what I did. I can’t ever get it back. I lose so much sleep because I gave into my own desires. Damn I hate myself!!!!