Senior year

Hey I'm (18f) a high school senior and im so tired like genuinely exhausted, mentally more than anything.

I care way too much about my grades really way too much my problem is that i really try and try but i always end up with a bad grade. Well not always but most of the time. And even when i do well i dont enjoy the happiness of having that good grade because someone else had the same grade or maybe had one that was better than mine.

I have loving parents and i love them so much Especially my dad, he never denies me anything he's so nice and caring and I know he loves me too. So the least i can do for him to be a good daughter one he will be proud of in the future. He wants me to be a future engineer, which puts so much pressure on me honestly. I always wonder if i can achieve what he wants me to study because if im already a failure in high-school how am i gonna survive uni and graduate? Or even be accepted to be an engineering student. I really wanna study engineering too but im not confident enough. This thoughs exhaust me , i want to be a daughter that will make him proud and happy in the future its really because he doesn't deserve anything less than that.

I also struggle alot with exam anxiety, i feel like my brain is always racing im always thinking of grades, comparing myself to my classmates and tying my worth to wether i have a better grade or a worse one than theirs. This jealousy i constantly feel makes me feel terrible i dont wanna be that way I dont wanna be jealous and envious. It just makes me feel disgusted with myself and i wanna stop it.

Please if anyone went through this during their senior year or learned how to stop comparing themselves with others id like to hear from them I would really appreciate hearing about their experiences because im really in need. Thanks for reading all of this and i really apologize for the bad English. Its not my first language