Idk how to lose weight, help. (Slight rant)

I don't know how to lose weight. I'm around 117kg, 168cm and my BMI is like- 41 or something i don't remember fully. I'm obese and i hate the way i look. I've tried to restrict food, lower calories, healthier options, drink more water, move around more but nothing helps. I'm losing my mind, I've even in the past tried to give myself an ed and hope i could get hospitalized just so i could lose weight. It's really bad. I'm 18 this year. I shouldn't look like this and i have a really hard time going outside cause i feel like a bridge troll. I also have ptsd and social anxiety so due to that i have a REALLY hard time being in social spaces such as a gym.

Please help me, honestly if someone knows methods that help. Decently quick too, I don't have a weight scale at home so i can't track my weight. Only from what i remember from an old appointment. I want to see change.

My back is big, double chin disgusting, my arms are huge and my belly looks like a B and I don't understand it.

Social media isn't helping me either with all these beautiful and perfect women in their 20's. Ik I'm young and they're 20+ and have grown more and learnt more and have the jobs/money but i cannot stress it enough how i just want to lose AT LEAST 30kg this year. I want to be able to look in the mirror.

I don't know if i can get medical help or not cause i just moved to the Netherlands and don't understand how things work here just yet.

Please don't make fun of me.