alternatives to ending it

please, i haven’t been actively suicidal in a long time. after my ex’s memorial and loss of my dog happening 24 hours of each other it is back in full force. i am trying very, very hard not to find a way to kill myself tonight. i am not used to feeling actively suicidal anymore after i was on prozac so it feels even more intense.

i have the urge of taking an uber to somewhere and drowning myself. i need something to stop myself from doing that tonight.

i dont *want* to do it because my parents wouldn’t be able to cope after those same 2 losses. i really just need some sort of alternative that relieves that pain im feeling. it’s night so i can’t call someone or do anything really loud.