Annoyed

Reread our last texts from months ago of you basically saying you fucked up by leading this on to nowhere … I think it had to blow up for me to really realize that this was nothing more than a distraction … comfort to some degree. Part of me thinks there were glimmers of true connection, our souls dancing around each other thru school…. I know the connection we shared was something substantial bc I’d telepathically sense you and your appearances in my dreams were quite special. But you hurt me … even if this was just a friendship … you withheld anything real … never wanted to see each other / hang or get coffee… just false promises. I should’ve believed you when you first said you couldn’t see us dating … but atleast I thought maybe we’ll actually be cool & good friends. But no. It then became a power exchange of nudes & intermittently reinforced sexting. I know you like control. I wish we could’ve channeled it

Into actual sex & playful encounters. You wanted me to just forget it all. I don’t know what it was about me that repulsed you. Part of me thought you saw me as out of your league or that I’m desired by too many for your liking; that the jealousy would kill you. Maybe I’m too free spirited or emotionally in tune for you. Maybe I dodged a major bullet by getting rejected by you time after time.

It was sad that you said I should just get on hinge & that I’d find what I’m looking for, no problem. It’s hard to find quirky / unique people and build connections w them overtime. I just wanted to see if this thing between us could be anything more. But you never gave the chance. You said “this isn’t a break up” atleast 3 times in those texts lol now I intermittently block you & pray I don’t run into you anywhere. Ik we’ll see each other again sometime ~ I hope I throw up in your face when we do ~

Not sure why I’m still processing this or posting this but I hope I get some closure. I just miss our friendship & leaning on you to navigate the bullshit of school together. Now I feel more alone but atleast I still have my peace.