Baby Shower scheduled on MY birthday & Daddy's death date

I'm being painted as the bad guy so here I am... The slightly longer version with background followed by the short version at the bottom if you don't want the full details.

One of my "best" friends for a few decades, that I have ALWAYS been there for is ready to throw away our friendship & has decided I'm a bad person. All because I refuse cave this one time in our ENTIRE friendship to focus on myself and my mental health. All because I refuse to change my plans, the same plans for the last 7 years, to visit my Daddy at the cemetery, on MY birthday.

We both had cancer as kids. I've always had more medical issues due to it. We both struggled with fertility issues though. She's had a history of trying to one up me on several things. However, when I decided to do fertility treatments she didn't agree with them and decided to foster not long after. They sent the kids back after a short time (Impulsive decisions have consequences like that)

Fast forward, I was diagnosed with a 2nd cancer and can no longer even carry a child. I've always wanted kids so it's a hard subject. When she asked me to throw her baby shower I agreed, despite feeling like it was an insensitive move. (I wouldn't mind helping out but being "in charge" was different). I considered maybe I was reading too much into it. I'm happy that she's pregnant but how she's handled certain situations, it's been hard.

The initial date was February 21st. Then it was pushed to March 7th. I let them know I normally celebrate my birthday that day, a week before my birthday, with my in-laws, but I'll change my plans and that worked for me. Her mom told her I "made it clear I wouldn't be coming on that date." I sent proof that was NOT what was said. All of a sudden it's booked ON MY BIRTHDAY! (Her mom said she didn't know it was my birthday but it wouldn't have been that hard to text me and ask if that date works, given I was in charge, and that I had already mentioned my birthday being then) I personally feel like mom was upset I was asked and not her, especially after there was some drama on a recent trip I took with them. One that my friend felt guilted to take her mom on and didn't even want her on.

Not only is it my birthday, it's the same day my Daddy passed away. I reached out in an attempt to figure out a different date and made it clear I wouldn't be there if it was my birthday. The ONLY date I refused to attend. I don't even celebrate my birthday, my mental health can't handle anything. I get severe panic attacks that day. I was told there wasn't any other day available. (I called the venue, there are different dates, just 2 hours later then the time it's planned. All of a sudden it's a different excuse of not wanting it that "late" due to people not driving in the dark. Checking sunset time, the sun wouldn't even be down. So at this point it's been one excuse after another.She got mad that I said her mom lied, she did. We'll say excuse though.)

I don't even celebrate my birthday because it's hard for me mentally. Instead, I spend my birthday at the cemetery, with my Daddy. I take lunch out there, the same lunch him and I would do for his birthday and mine. I spend a few hours out there, the same time. I'm not going to go early in the day when lunch isn't even served to make it back in time for her baby shower.

She tried to tell me that I could go to the cemetery at a different time to come to her baby shower. She thought it would be something to cheer me up and worth celebrating. (This was my "are you really not listening or just don't care" moment) I don't even celebrate my birthday on my birthday because it's the same day my Daddy died but you want me to not only celebrate you, but a pregnancy, when I can't have kids.... ON MY BIRTHDAY?!?

She thinks it's wrong and is ready throw our friendship away claiming it's because I'm "jealous" that she's pregnant. I was very calm and rational thru all the texts until that. I told her I wasn't jealous, I was happy for her, but then again she would think that because that's how she thinks, not me. She's always been jealous of me trying to copy everything I do.

TLDR:

I’m being called 'jealous' and a bad friend for choosing to stick to my tradition for the last 7 years, visiting my Daddy's grave on the anniversary of his death (MY birthday, which I don't even celebrate because of it being the day he died) rather than attending a baby shower intentionally scheduled for that same day by a supposed "best" friend. The excuse being "It should be something to cheer you up and something celebrate" despite me not celebrating my OWN birthday. As a two-time cancer survivor who can't have children, the whole situation is already mentally exhausting, especially after years of what feels like a one-sided friendship where I always give in. I’m done being the 'bigger person' at the expense of my own healing; I am choosing my father, my mental health, and my peace. AITJ?

Original:

I know the answer but I'm being painted as the bad guy so here I am...

One of my "best" friends that I have ALWAYS done a lot for, that I've ALWAYS been the bigger person for, has decided I'm a bad person. All because I refuse to change my plans, the same plans for the last 7 years, to visit my Daddy at the cemetery, on MY birthday.

We both had cancer as kids. We both struggled with fertility issues. However, when I decided to try fertility treatments she told me it was "unnatural" and wrong. Instead to "beat" me to having kids she fostered some (sending them back not longer after due to not being able to handle them).

Fast forward, just like anything else I do, she has to do it. (I have a disability pass at theme parks for a plethora of medical issues, she needs it because she's diabetic. I was given a handicap placard, for all the medical issues I have, most stemming from my cancer as a child, and she has to get it because she's diabetic. She fought her doctor saying she couldn't walk far to her class due to her diabetes. He reluctantly gave it to her for the end of the semester.)

I was diagnosed with a 2nd cancer and can no longer even carry a child. It's a really sensitive subject for me, I've struggled drastically. I've always wanted my own kids. I'm also not currently working because I took time off to deal with my cancer. DESPITE all that I've been thru, she asked me to throw her a baby shower. I agreed, despite feeling that it was like her throwing it in my face. I'm happy that she's pregnant but how she's handled certain situations, it's been hard. I'm supposed to be in charge of it but her mom was paying for things and helping out. The initial date was February 21st. Then it was pushed to March 7th. I made it clear I normally celebrate my birthday that day, a week before my birthday,with my in-laws. I also made it clear I would change my plans and that worked for me. Her mom told her I "made it clear I wouldn't be coming on that date." I sent proof that was NOT what was said. All of a sudden it's booked ON MY BIRTHDAY! Not only is it my birthday, it's the same day my Daddy passed away. I reached out in an attempt to figure out a different date and made it clear I wouldn't be there if it was my birthday. I was told there wasn't any other day available. (I called, there was, 2 hours later then the time it's planned. All of a sudden it's a different excuse of not wanting it that "late" due to people not driving in the dark. Checking sunset time, the sun wouldn't even be down. So at this point it's been one excuse after another.)

I don't even celebrate my birthday because it's hard for me mentally. Instead, I spend my birthday at the cemetery, with my Daddy. I take lunch out there, the same lunch him and I would do for his birthday and mine. I spend a few hours out there.

She tried to tell me that she thought it would be something to cheer me up and worth celebrating. I don't even celebrate my birthday on my birthday because it's the same day my Daddy died but you want me to not only celebrate you, but a pregnancy, when I can't have kids.... ON MY BIRTHDAY?!?

She thinks it's wrong and is ready throw our friendship away claiming it's because I'm jealous that she's pregnant. I was very calm and rational thru all the texts until that. I told her I wasn't jealous, I was happy for her, but then again she would think that because that's how she thinks, not me.

TLDR: AITJ here? One of my "best" friends is threatening to end our friendship because I won't attend her baby shower on MY birthday—which is also the anniversary of my Daddy's death. I spend every year at his grave. Despite knowing this, and knowing I recently lost my own ability to have children due to a second bout of cancer, she scheduled it anyway and is calling me "jealous." I’ve spent years being the "bigger person," but for once I’m choosing my peace, my mental health, and my dad this time.

(Adjusted TLDR- One of my "best" friends is threatening to end our friendship, calling me "jealous" because I won't attend her baby shower on MY birthday—which is also the anniversary of my Daddy's death. I spend every year, same time, at his grave. I don't even celebrate my birthday because it's too hard. I can't get pregnant due to 2 types of cancers over the years and failed fertility treatments. Yet she wants me to just change my plans and expects me to celebrate her being pregnant?! I’ve spent years being the "bigger person," but for once I’m choosing my peace, my mental health, and my dad this time.)