I am far beyond cooked in life in every area since childhood

I am 32 year old male I am struggling with hypersexuality since the age of 8 years old I will share my life story

I was born in abusive environment where fight voilence was everyday think

My father was an alcoholic and i used to sleep in my parents room from the age of 1-13 years where they used to sex infront of me and it was not a normal sex it was rather an force fully one I would say they thought I was sleeping but I wasnot and it was a everyday thing

Also whenever my father used to hugged me after drinking he used to say words like motherfucker and bitch to my mom in my ears it made me very uncomfortable and inappropriate

The result of this I become a hypersexual boy at the age of 8 years old masturbation multiple times a day on pillow on my elder sister doll rigorously

When i turned 12 years of age i was crazy for sex and wanted to anybody that was my biggest mistake from there mine sexuality was been effected and this incident happened:

So I remember when i turned 12 years as i was soo much hypersexual I wanted have sex with anybody regardless of gender then at that time our servant use to come then one day her big brother come my mom told me to play with him while her sister is doing the work

I donot what I was doing he was 18 years of age and I was 12 i remember I was setting on this lap and rubbing my penis on his chest like my penis was under my pant he didn’t stop me

He then showed me his cock and then hide it by saying these are elder things and I ended up rubbing my penis on his back at end of the day and he donot stop and I thought it is not wrong my therapist told this also a sexual abuse so I would say was I groomed

After this incident I started having sex with boys of mine age because I thought it was not wrong and it destroyed my life completely

Fast forward I had sex with women and transwomen as well mine sexuality has completely been hampered due to early events

I have no attraction towards male and transwomen in emotional and romantic way though I am ashamed of myself I guess it is the trauma response and behaviour I learned in the childhood

I guess far beyond destroyed by lust and these issues and now nothing can be done

I guess I have live my life all alone it hurts that I couldnot have a normal family of mine own

Just like rest other straight couples I fucking hate myself for this soo much