Kissed my friend without consent

I (male, hs age) kissed my drinking buddy (male, same age) on a couple of different occasions while I was blackout drunk. Both times I pecked him on the lips against his wishes. We're not friends anymore for various reasons, one being the kissing, and since then I've tried to stay sober (I've had maybe 3 drinks in the 6 months since) and work with a therapist regarding impulse control, but the guilt of those nights eats me alive. Recently I've been dealing with suicidal thoughts. I hate that I ever did that to anyone, much less a close friend. I can barely look myself in the mirror now. I suppose this is my punishment