AIO for being hesitant to see my future MIL?

I have been with my fiancé for almost six years. We got together young and built our relationship over time. We have grown together, supported each other through major life changes, and made long term plans, including building a house together.

In late 2023, he moved in with me and my parents after a fallout with his mother. The fallout happened largely because she accused me of controlling him, manipulating him, and molding him into someone I wanted him to be. She believed I was pulling him away from his family, even though his decision to move out came from years of tension, not a sudden influence from me.

I never forced him to move. I never told him to cut contact. I never pressured him to choose between me and his family. But the narrative she created was that I was the problem.

Despite that, I still tried to maintain a relationship with her. We go to their house for dinner once a week, and while that might sound reasonable, it has become a major source of anxiety and anger for me. There is a long pattern of passive aggression, guilt, boundary violations, and dismissive behavior toward me.

There have been repeated comments suggesting my fiancé should move back in with her. He explained that we are building our own household and need independence since she constantly tries to insert herself into our relationship.

She frequently sends messages implying that she is being abandoned or punished. For example:

“Why should I get punished for God’s sake? I am your mother. You treat me like a serpent.”

“Maybe I will be out of your lives for good. Obviously that is all I am worth to you.”

“You both are the only ones I have. Without you two I have nothing.”

There have also been deeply inappropriate comments about my relationship and sex life with my fiancé. This is one of the parts that makes me feel the most uncomfortable. His mother has shown an unsettling level of interest in our intimacy and private relationship. There have been comments implying she thinks I am “keeping him away,” jokes or remarks about us having sex, and fixation on what we do in private.

Instead of respecting us as adults, it sometimes feels like she views me as a rival or competition for his attention, rather than his partner.

One of the most painful incidents involved my health.

I have several chronic medical conditions that significantly impact my daily life. Instead of empathy, I have received skepticism and ridicule. I wrote to her explaining how deeply hurtful this was:

“You have repeatedly dismissed my serious medical conditions. These are chronic, painful, and life altering. What hurt me deeply was the way (BIL) sarcastically asked where I got my acting classes from and how my diagnosis were called fake.”

At one point, I passed out at their house. Afterward, my fiancé’s brother laughed about it. After back and forth between my fiancé and him he finally sent this message:

“Apologies for the other week if you took it the wrong way.”

I responded honestly:

“I did take it the wrong way considering the circumstances. This is the second time you have done something regarding my health.”

I was not asking for drama. I was asking for basic respect.

There have also been repeated messages from his mother framing me as the problem or as someone creating distance.

“Why can’t you just come down to see your mother?”

“If you do not want me in your life I will back away.”

“I’m just a shit mother.”

“I’m sick of (OP) following you around like a magnet I want you to myself.”

Here is the part where I feel conflicted.

We currently live with my parents, which gives me some emotional distance and safety. But we are building a house and will be moving out soon. Instead of feeling excited, I feel worried.

I am afraid that once we move out, the pressure will increase. I worry she will feel entitled to our time, our home, our decisions, and our relationship. I already feel like I am viewed as the villain who “changed” him, even though his growth and independence are his own.

Every week when dinner approaches, I feel anxious. Which is actually tonight.

I feel like I am walking on eggshells in a family that does not truly accept or respect me. My fiancé supports me and acknowledges many of these issues, but I know it puts him in a painful position between me and his family. I do not want to isolate him. At the same time, I do not want to sacrifice my emotional safety to keep the peace.

AIO for being worried about our approaching dinners and eventually moving out and having our boundaries violated?

TLDR: I have been with my fiancé for almost six years. His mother has repeatedly disrespected boundaries, guilted us, dismissed my medical issues, and blamed me for his independence. After years of conflict and a fallout in 2023, I now dread weekly dinners with her and feel afraid about moving into our own home soon. AIO for being anxious and wanting emotional distance?