Trigger emotional and overwhelming

Trigger Emotional and overwhelming

I am 37y and being TTC for one year ( have pcos). Recently I found out I am pregnant and it’s give me happy, sad , guilty and also scared about my journey. Me and husband discuss where should I give a birth. At first he really want me to give a birth at his country( where his mom live) Reason because child will get citizenship and free education in the future. But here the came with things I can’t consider. He asked his mother if I can stay at family house during 6months pregnancy until deliver baby. While he having that conversation I was together in living room. His mom shook her head and with hands waving at neck( clearly say no with action no words). I saw that and I feel so sad. Like you can just told let’s discuss later on instead do hand signal say no aggressively. Spoke with my husband and of course he backup his mom.

The other things he always have argue intense conversation with his mom. They will yelling to each other, slamming doors and list goes on. My husband characteristics will change from loving husband to lack of empathy, angry, yelling. Whenever he reunion, contact his mom. He will lashed out to me the frustration and every time happed we always have argue, yell, constant fight for 2weeks. I will cry again and again. He got childhood trauma while growing up up as his mother lack of loving him. Always give priority to his older brother and sister.

We just moved to different country and recently his company laid a lot people and we kinda worried about this. But he easily can find job but can take 1-2months. So he said if laid off he want us to go his country and stay with his mom. But I was already panic and paranoid that the whole night I slept 2hour sleep then have nightmares dream about this mother. Wake-up sweat, heavy breather and my heart rate 120bmp. I thought I saw black figure his mom and I was so scared and can’t back to sleep until now. I can’t put myself on stress knowing if we stay together at his family house. He will constant have arguments with his mom, sister and lashed out frustration to me. Also whenever I visit his family house the negative vibes so intense. I just don’t know what to do? He said my feeling is valid but I need to think our baby future will get free education so he/she won’t blame me in the future. But how about my mental state? Is it not valid? . This is gonna be my first baby, previously he agreed I should be with my parents. And my mom very good take care helping with newborn babies.

He said I should be strong and move on. But whenever I remember how his character change whenever he see , talk with his mom and sister. I got traumatized here. I just can’t put myself that again and again. I don’t know what to do right now. Am I really overthinking and my hormones make me ultra sensitive?