I’m tired. Can I be converted with any finality?

Also open to hypno/aggressive/other forms.

I don’t know what to say. I’m tired of having conflicting feelings and being disgusted with myself one day and then gooning the next. I want to integrate things somehow. I want to be sure. I want to feel whole.

I tend to dabble in this type of stuff for a day or two and then run away when I become ashamed. I haven’t always been a feminist but I became one sometime in my early 20’s through college. And I wasn’t casual about it. I even worked for a feminist organization briefly. I had a job title that involved helping people, especially women.

I don’t really believe in this stuff or myself, yet I want to? It’s confusing. I’m tired of being confused. I have to admit: I just want to feel good. I just want someone to give me an answer.

I get so so horny at this stuff or at the thought of being a denied tradwife. Cooking, cleaning, on my knees for my husband. I associate marriage with ownership, so I’ve never been married. I can’t have children yet sometimes I crave to. When men speak to me a certain way my knees buckle a bit too.

I either want to be converted or I want to let go. Someone help 🥺😭