Is there any meds i can take without prescription to numb my brain/stop me from thinking negatively?

I basically have bad thoughts that i have obsessively but i cant control them, and i have insane depressive episodes, i have panic atacks and i often hallucinate and stuff. I don't want to turn to SH again after being clean 2 yrs, so are there any meds i can take that a doctor doesn't need to prescribe me? I want one that can numb my brain and all these feelings. I want a stable mood and better focus...anythinf at all? [i dont have any diagnosis becuase i cant access help]