A cycle that never ends

Ruining my rleationship. I'm just annoying, it's so hard. I'm trying to change but I'm going in a loop, I literally just pot a positive post on here and here I am now. I let my anger get to me and I am making him miserable. My mind stays stuck on the same things upset, angry, the voices get louder in my head and I react physically and violently and say things I regret, can't focus on him asking me to explain why I'm like this, he thinks I can control it I can't I wish I could, I'm fighting a war within my mind.