I sobbed at a store clerk today.

This is the draft text I have in my phone right now to send to my piece of shit stepfather. Please, someone tell me I’m not crazy.

*Your wife might die tonight. She apparently almost died last night too. I can’t be there, though. Nobody is there.

Why is that???

Oh. Right. Because the two of you decided to lie and sneak and manipulate and trick and scheme to force me to be stranded alone in an ice storm, 1000 miles away from MY HOME, in a BORROWED CAR, with my GERIATRIC MOTHERFUCKING DOG, no food and MAYBE BARELY enough money for gas home.

Did you or did you not think through the fact that when I get stranded, I have to choose staying with my dog. He relies on me to survive. She will be alone. And, the thing is, with how low her blood pressure is, not even improving slightly with transfusion, she is in and out of consciousness, her hands are ice fucking cold, and they moved quicker than I’ve ever seen a hospital move to get a doctor and an entire team in there to check her out…she might die. Nobody was taking it anything less than absolutely fucking serious, and further, the way they looked at me was fucking telling. It was hours, hadn’t changed, and I had to fucking leave. Because I’m stranded with my old, high needs dog who doesn’t deserve to be abused or abandoned. Fuck you.

How fucking dare you. I am never speaking to either of you again after this. You know that, right? Just so you are aware of the exact lines and points of escalation: I told you that this - all of this, THIS time (because this bullshit has been my entire motherfucking life now) - was my last fucking straw. Three weeks ago - the last time you guys did this shit to me - I told my mother that I was at the end of my fucking rope. I told her that I am both DEEPLY AND EXISTENTIALLY FUCKING EXHAUSTED. I am currently on MY OWN MEDICAL DISABILITY. And here we are again. Just weeks later.

~2 years (?) ago, I had to draw a boundary about the two of you calling me when you were drunk. Remember? How I was asleep and she called then you called and I don’t know how many times but finally the phone woke me up and I jumped up in a panic attack thinking someone else must have died? Has this…stopped? I mean, there was a period where she couldn’t drink. But…in your opinion. Has it gotten better? Or light years fucking worse?

Anyway, you made another choice. That was yours to make. This is the direct consequence of that action. Technically, she will be justified in blaming you for losing her grip on me. Her favorite object. It’s obviously not entirely your fault. I mean, she tried to erase me from my own life and become me. It’s always been like this. This choice you made to leave your wife alone in a hospital and me stranded alone in a horrible fucking ice storm with my dog was just…the last straw. Like I warned you on Friday. Unlike the two of you, I am not a liar.

If I don’t ALSO DIE HERE, I am packing my house to move and blocking both of your numbers the second I get home. My father will be given an option.

Enjoy each other. You’re more alike than you realize.*

I can give background if you want. There’s just so much and I’m so fucking mentally broken right now.