I want more for myself.

How do I breakdown the bubble of misery that surrounds me my whole life after my dad committed suicide when I was 14. Fuck I hated him.

He was a great father. Never fought with mum. I had a great childhood up till then. He had a very heavy hand.

Gone. I still haven't read the suicide note nore did I go to see the body. Rest of the family did.

49 now. Totally funked with depression and self loathing it hard to tolerate.

Not sure why I'm writing this or why I chose this place and this time, but I know one thing I enjoy Mr Ballen shout out John. Have watched him since day one. Awesome content and guy.

The reason I put him in is because that content and his story telling in some ways has stop me from doing something stupid to myself.

Thanks John.