slipped up, did something stupid at work, and i can't stop beating myself up over it

it’s my first job and i’ve been at it for ~6 months. i really love the people, and worked really hard to get this job.

however...i don't do well with feeling useless, and when you're new to a team, that's what it feels like. you're always just going up against something that is brand new to you. i had been stuck on some stupid thing for like 3 or 4 days, and one day, i just cracked out of frustration and boredom and helplessness.

it was a quiet and empty morning.

the only reason i'm saying all these details is because - ok - i am neurodivergent (ADHD and anxiety). and in a fit of desperation or whatever and like this urge to break the goddamn monotony of being stuck at something and trying to claw your way up to the answer that i had been facing for like mostly my entire time at work, i... decided to look at nsfw stuff on reddit. i was just so bored and frustrated literally, i don't know how else to explain it. it was so stupid. i wasn't horny or anything at all - my nervous system just felt like it needed a jolt or something. i wanted thrill, anything to break me out of the slump i was in. i was frustrated, so i wanted to do something wrong, bad, rebellious in a stupid way.

my phone wasn't connected to company wifi, volume was 0, no headphones in, etc. i scrolled for like 10 minutes. most of the time i was actually just reading the comments because i was mostly just in shock at how pathetic people are when it comes to this. there were moments where there was straight up porn on my phone screen, but i panicked and deleted any tabs that opened or scrolled past any photos/videos quickly.

but anyways.... yea. and you know the kicker? it's been 1.5 weeks and nothing has happened. i am 99.99% sure no one saw (leaving the .01% because of my anxiety). the only person who could have, is the person who sits diagonally behind me (her back is facing me). she sits like 6ish feet away. the only way she could see my screen is if she either rolled her chair back to talk to me, or physically stood up and came to talk to me. neither of these things happened in those 10 minutes - but again, anxiety keeps eating me up, thinking like "what if she did but you didn't hear it, or she was quiet", etc, but she doesn't have a habit of doing that anyways.

the reality is that there has been literally no change of behavior from her at all, no change of behavior from my manager, no emails, literally nothing. everything has been normal, and if anything great. the team cracks jokes together, has a supportive and fun culture, etc.

it keeps eating me up at the back of my mind - i have scared myself reallll bad. like, my career could have come careening down so quickly just from some STUPID SLIP up like this??? i scared myself, really really bad. if i got fired and this was the fucking reason, i feel like my life would end and i'd want to kms. also - not to toot my own horn, but it is important to add this: i was always considered a model child, always mature, always an example for others, always succeeding in school, hobbies, having a lot of friends, etc. so having something like this happen to me, of all things, would be insane.

anyways.... yea. just wanted to get this off my chest. if anyone has worked corporate, or in HR, what do you think would happen if someone had actually seen this? would they report it? and if they did, what would happen? i've been asking AI endlessly and it says that i'd get a warning at most from my manager or a reminder about company policy, but i'm not sure.

i've scared myself so bad.... i will certainly not be doing anything remotely this stupid ever again.

thanks internet strangers :)