Why i dont hate my rapist? Idk what’s wrong with me

I don’t hate him

I feel guilty toward him I feel bad for him sometimes I even feel sorry for him which sounds insane even typing it out. I know I didn’t do anything wrong but i cant rlly control how i feel. Most of what I feel isnt even about me its about him

What happened to me was bad like actually bad i dont wanna get into details but it wasn’t easy for me at all

If anyone knows why this happens psychologically Id really like to understand and im not looking for advice