Why is my ex treating me like this after the breakup? I don’t recognize him anymore. And why do I still love him?

I’m about 9 weeks post-breakup and I genuinely don’t understand what is happening anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to make sense of how someone can switch so drastically.

My ex and I were together for 5+ years. We lived together, shared friends, hobbies, routines, values, future plans. Same interests, same lifestyle, same goals. Up until the breakup, he was loving, affectionate, supportive. There was no big fight, no cheating, no dramatic incident. I was completely blindsided.

I’ve been struggling with depression for a while, and yes, our relationship wasn’t perfec (no one is). We had issues, but nothing that felt unfixable. I truly believed we could work through it. He never told me he was losing feelings. Never warned me. Never said he was at the end.

Then suddenly, he ended it.

Since then, his behavior toward me has been incredibly cold, distant, and at times outright cruel. He refuses to talk about the relationship, says he has “no feelings left,” and frames any emotional message from me as me trying to “convince” him. When I opened up honestly (after 8 weeks of no contact) and told him I still loved him and wanted to reflect (not beg) he shut me down completely.

We are in the process of clearing out the apartment we shared. Instead of handling this with care, he’s been very harsh and controlling about logistics. He wants the apartment empty of my things ASAP. He claims most shared items, keeps plants, tech, furniture. Even my stuff. It's not fair. He talks to my parents, but ignores me entirely. It feels like I’ve been erased as a person.

What hurts the most is the tone. He talks to me like I’m an enemy. Like I did something unforgivable. Like I’m a burden. I don’t recognize the man who once called me his better half, who talked about marriage, who shared a life with me.

Why is he so angry?

Why does he treat me like I’m disposable?

Why is there zero empathy for how much pain I’m in?

Why does it feel like he needs to push me away as hard as possible?

I’ve apologized. I’ve taken accountability for my part. I’ve acknowledged my mental health struggles. I’ve never insulted him, threatened him, or crossed boundaries intentionally. And yet, the colder and more vulnerable I am, the harsher he becomes.

Why would someone behave like this after years of love? Nothing bad happened.

Guilt?

Emotional shutdown?

Avoidance?

Anger at himself?

Or just a way to cope by turning me into “the problem”?

Because right now, it feels like I’m being punished for loving him deeply and for being mentally unwell during the relationship.