I Thought My Attraction to Women Was Fake Because It Felt Easy”

I (25 f) started dating a girl– after years of trying to date men–and I'm really starting to feel this deep and precious attachment to her– I just want to hold her and kiss her. Like who knew. as someone who is very feminine herself, I didn’t think I was attracted to or drawn to femininity like this.

It was so subtle at first– just mere curiosity because she is inherently compelling and alluring. It’s her eyes and her smile, really. I just kept coming back. And I think it was really this week – our fifth and sixth times seeing each other / spending the night – that suddenly it’s grown into this sustained, crackling fire. (this is so cheesy but, yeah)

She says that when we make love I have this face of intensity and presence. In the morning I literally growled. Like what. Weird and animalistic and silly. I don’t even know what came over me.

Femininity feels like rain clearing out the smoggy fantasy of masculinity from my brain. This feels so fucking precious to me. I want her to be my girl.

As for men: I still feel deeply satisfied platonically cuddling. Like I still need or desire masculine care and intimacy. And maybe that’s it? Maybe that’s why all the m/f fanfiction I devour — it’s always the care and the aftercare that gets me, not necessarily the sex itself.

With my high school boyfriends, there was always relief when things ended and there was no more pressure for sexual stuff. We could care for and hold each other platonically. I thought it was because I wanted what I didn’t have anymore. But maybe that in itself was enough.

It’s so odd that this genuine desire for the feminine was hidden from me. HOW could it be that concealed from myself? Who or what hid it?

This breakthrough in attachment to feels almost exactly like what I felt toward my first girlfriend in high school — that first love — except without the burden of disapproving parents, curfews, and SAT scores.

I thought my attraction to women was fake because it felt so easy to kiss them and be with them. Like there was no resistance — and that ease is what made me bold and brave.