Pansexual man struggling with "Sexual Traffic Jam" with MTF partner (intimacy/dysphoria advice needed)

Hey everyone. I’m a pansexual man and my partner, Sophie, is a trans woman who is currently going through her transition/surgery process. We love each other deeply and the emotional intimacy is incredible, but we’ve hit a real "sexual traffic jam" and I’m feeling pretty frustrated and stuck.

The core of the issue is that I’m someone who really values penetration (both giving and receiving), but we’ve run into some walls:

Anal is off the table: She doesn’t really enjoy it and can’t relax enough for it to happen, so I’ve told her we don’t have to do it at all.

Genital Dysphoria: She gets very self-conscious about her erections. She gives me mixed messages where she wants me to play with her penis, but then feels "wrong" or masculine when it happens.

• The "Off-Limits" Trap: When I suggest we just stop doing anything that makes her uncomfortable, she gets upset and says "everything can't be off-limits." She clearly wants to be sexual and have that connection, but the "how" is making us both trip up.

She’s gotten me off a few times by hand, but when I try to reciprocate, it often leads to shut-downs or confusion. I’ve told her that her body doesn't make me view her as any less of a woman, but the mental block is strong.

As a pan man, I’m struggling because I feel like I can’t "fuck or be fucked," and I’m losing that deep physical connection I crave.

I’m looking for advice on:

How have other couples navigated the "everything is off-limits" feeling?

Are there specific techniques or toys (like wands or muffing) that worked for your MTF partners who have heavy genital dysphoria?

1. How can I satisfy my own need for penetrative intimacy in a way that feels affirming and safe for her?

And to clarify as a bottom line, I love her with all my heart for the person she is. I don't care if we never figured out sex or had it again, I'd love her and be loyal and stay. But I know we both get ourselves off. She explained her whole life she used a vibrator and imagined herself as a woman - I know 'stroking' that area is triggering right now.

I'm trying to figure out how we both feel fully satisfied and connected.

I really want to figure this out with her. Any advice from guys who have been in this spot would be massive. Thanks.