when to disclose when hooking up / dating outside apps

When do you usually disclose?

I used to do online dating, but after a few bad apples (and two years of resignation lol) I want to restart dating outside any platforms. Either they didn't understand what trans was till I (back then pre-OP) got undressed and then got angry or they say they "read it all" and then weeks later they act all surprised when you mention you're trans. I'm just fed up and did a longer break, as people on those platforms just suck.

I only had like 4 long-term partners in my life, all while pre-op, and am now much more selective, but don't really know when to disclose.

Usually at least before the first kiss, but what about hookups? How are you upfront then without risking violence? When out partying and making out with men? Like, sometimes I forget I'm trans, and I would love to just go out dancing with friends and hooking up with men. What about then, how and when to disclose??? Or is that just a bad idea in general? I'm post-op.

Would love to hear some experiences, some advice on how not to get insane with anxiety and actually enjoy dating.

xoxo