Worse fucking month ever

Guess what; January might be my worse month ever

(Excuse my grammar ; eng isn’t my first language) also sorry it’s so messy

So around 2nd week in January we found out our dad cheated on my mom of 20 yrs marriage ,, ridiculous right? The fact that he hid it for so long and we didn’t suspect anything just makes us mad, apparently he’s been with the chick for years man like I was atleast 10 years old? I’m currently 18. And worse he has 2 kids with her. Obv my mom is furious cause 8-10 years of cheating is very long. My mom kicked him out from the house and I was stuck hearing both sides and i was looking at this logically and my dads reasoning was sooo undefendable it’s actually so bad

Guys I loved my dad he’s not the greatest but u can see he loved me as a daughter but not that nice to my mom but lately my moms saying he’s only nice to me cause I’m “usable” to him (meaning I’m helpful with his government info or bank….his bank is my gmail acc so I can see every transaction) still idk anymore

My dad said he’ll leave them but it isn’t that easy…. He has 2 other kids to pay + 4 more kids (me and my 3 siblings included) + 1 full grown adult he left before he had us so = 7 kids…. And now he’s saying he can’t afford us…. I had to work my ass off to buy my own school supplies and finding out he’s been supporting another family this whole entire time. I wasted so much of my teenage years cause of him and sleep so my DAD can have more quality time for his other family? (I learned how to drive for him so he can ease off man)…….. we live far and every Monday he would wake up at 4-5am just to drive off to that family. If he would leave them that easily he would’ve left long ago and chose us. Not when we found out now.

A little back story of my mom is she left everything for my dad, her family everything (still in good terms I mean it’s just she can’t go abroad) and gave up all her money so my dad could open his business which failed and costed so much money, my mom would work her ass off while my dad was freely roaming around basically my mom paid the most. And my dad told me as his defense is that my mom had a ex husband back in another country; I asked my mom and it was a valid reason I can’t say much but all in all it was a miscommunication with both my parents ,, my dads side made absolutely no sense to the point he said I’m might not even be his kid; my mom was furious saying he’s a liar he knows damn well I’m his daughter. He’s making a bunch of excuses and stuffs up and I don’t wanna hear it anymore…….

Now it’s already been 2 weeks of not having a dad and me taking over his responsibilities at this age driving and doing his chores we’re planning to move out soon so he doesn’t know where we are….. i mentioned I have 3 other siblings and they aren’t making it any better…..

So everyday we’re busy , we get home by 8PM or maybe later so ofc everyone’s tired so today’s a Sunday and I woke them up at 8:30am so we can have the entire day to clean and pack , guess what? 1pm in they haven’t done shit. Just layed on the sofa and played game and ate.

While me when their busy and I had time and I’m home alone I did everything and left a few chore for them cause I was too tired to do it,, so them being at home was just to clean a few things and pack.. no they were arguing I was lazy and wasted the entire day like that so we didn’t even get anything done.

Fast forward it’s now 8pm they just had a fight. Guess what? (They’re rly tall btw but still kids; but to outsiders they look like full grown men) they were fighting all because of a charger. They both have anger issues to the point they break down the house appliances and if u barge in u would get knocked down and they’ll argue u too. No point at all.

Also I posted before about my brothers how they would steal my things, break down my door if i confiscated their phone for less than a day, anger issues, lazy shit like that man

Idk….. to just summarize this entire month is just

1. Dad cheated and found out he has 2 other kids and said he couldn’t provide for us anymore which left my mom raising 4 kids alone

2. My mom got so mad and went to his store to commit soooo many crimes and I went there to stop it and missed my 2 classes

3. I took my dads entire responsibility of driving my mom to work and my brothers to school and myself and going back home

4. I come home tired haven’t been doing commissions and barely doing homework’s anymore it’s just

Wake up at 5am- bring everyone to work/school- go to school by 7am- after school vise versa - home by 8-9pm)

5. We’re moving out soon

6. Trying to sell everything

7. I tried committing Su///ide

For context I coundt handle this anymore so I tried committing S///ide. everyone in my fam were “worried” then forgot about it the next day; usually it’s a big thing but ig it’s just another day haha I lost a lot of blood but ig it’s fine 😐