AITAH for cutting off my ex completely after years of emotional manipulation, even though he says he wants to stay “friends”?

I (22F at the time) was in a relationship with my ex (22M) for three years. We broke up in 2023. Throughout the relationship, he was emotionally and mentally abusive.

When we started dating, he already had a child with someone else. He told me his child’s mother was abusive and manipulative toward him and had done horrible things. I believed him. Early in our relationship, she would harass me daily and make fake accounts to message me because I was with him. At the time, I blamed her entirely.

There was a lot of drama at the beginning, but eventually things calmed down and we continued the relationship. I changed my entire life for him. I distanced myself from my family, changed my routines, and prioritised him over everything just to keep the peace and make him happy.

Over time, his emotional abuse escalated, especially when alcohol was involved. He struggled to communicate and would shut down, leave, or give me the silent treatment whenever I was anxious or wanted to talk through issues. I constantly felt like I was begging for basic communication.

Because of how the relationship started, I wasn’t allowed to be around his son. This meant I couldn’t see him during certain weekdays or weekends when he had his child. This caused me significant anxiety and led to frequent arguments. I became very emotionally dependent on him, and eventually the constant fighting led to us breaking up.

After the breakup, I was devastated. I stopped eating, couldn’t work, and barely got out of bed. He later left notes at my front door saying I was “the one” and apologising. We got back together, but nothing changed, so I ended things again a few months later in 2023.

After that, he continued contacting me for years. He would reach out whenever I tried to move on, give me false hope, and then say he only wanted to be “friends.” He would still sleep with me, then disappear again when it suited him. Every time he came back with a sad story, I dropped everything to support him. Each time, I’d cut people off again and refocus my life around him.

This cycle continued until July 2025, when we last spoke. I finally stopped responding and cut contact completely. Since then, I’ve realised how manipulated I was. I now have panic attacks if I hear his name or think I might run into him. I’m genuinely afraid of him and how much control he had over me.

I recently found out he’s having another baby with the mother of his first child. This has brought up a lot of unresolved emotions and trauma.

I’ve grown a lot since leaving, but I still struggle to trust people or even leave the house sometimes. I feel guilty for cutting him off completely because he claims I abandoned him and that he “just wanted to stay friends,” but contact with him has been incredibly damaging to my mental health.

AITA for cutting him off entirely and refusing to be friends, even though he keeps trying to reach out and says I’m being cruel?